Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

I was reading an article I found on twitter about having a sex life while experiencing chronic pain, and was like “oh yeah, cool so I’m not the only one who feels this way.” And then was also impressed by some of the tips the author wrote about to make sex easier or for there to be less pain. Okay, so despite the fact that I’m single AF and that I’m not super into the hookup culture of the millennials, I do occasionally want to have some. And when I do, I don’t want it to hurt me. I want it to be fun and to feel good, kinda like everyone else wants. So what do we do and how do we do it? (pun intended)

Photo credit: Nuovo Artistic Photography

Honestly, in addition to not really being into hookups, when I have in the last year, the sex was uncomfortable and/or painful. Mostly in my hips. The pain took away from the pleasure, which is kind of the point of a hookup. As a result, I’ve ended up avoiding them most of the time. I should also not that any ideas I’ve come across and am sharing below, are geared toward sex with a partner you’re in a relationship with. As for how to make the hookup less painful, depending on your level of comfortability with the person, my best suggestion is to just level with them. “I have chronic pain, let’s see what we can do to make this awesome for both of us.” I also wouldn’t hold my breath on the response…

Image from: http://www.myhealthtime.ie/sex-advice-for-people-with-chronic-pain/

Okay so what can we do with our partners to make it easier and still fun and pleasurable? The below are based on my own experiences with my ex, as well as from articles I’ve read about the subject.

  1. Communication. Your partner has to know what feels good, what positions are comfortable, and what doesn’t work. A lot of this you may learn through trial-and-error, and as soon as you figure it out, talk about it. My guess is your partner doesn’t want you to be in pain anymore than you want to be. The better your communication is, the better your sex will be.
  2. Pillow Under the Hips. Obviously this doesn’t work for every position but a) make sure you’re having sex somewhere decently comfortable. Shaggy’s song about sex on the bathroom floor really isn’t for anyone, let alone anyone who’s a chronic pain warrior. b) this really only works in the missionary position, but hey that’s better than nothing. The extra support and comfort usually makes hip pain a lot less.
  3. Positions. If there is a position that sucks for you, don’t do it that way. Pick another one. Maybe that takes a little bit of creativity out of it, or maybe it allows you to be more creative. It all depends on how you look at it (power of positivity!).
  4. Oral. Requires less movement for you. Just sayin’. Plus it’s always fun.
  5. Sensual activities. If you are having a super bad flare, engage in some activities that aren’t sexual in nature, but sensual instead. Take a bubble bath together, have your partner give you a massage, lie in bed naked. It’s not a perfect sex solution, but it will probably make you closer in many other ways.
Image: from: http://www.oprah.com/health_wellness/sex-life-with-chronic-pain

The best advice I can give, is be CONFIDENT, be YOU, be a sexy GODDESS (or GOD for those men reading this) because that is who you are, chronic pain or not.