Hi Everyone! I’m still on hiatus, but I thought I’d pop on here to let you all know about a new podcast I’m hosting with my friend, naturopathic doctor Grace Ni. She and I are hosting Level Up Growth Podcast for personal growth and self-development. The cool thing about the show is that we are coming from different lens. Grace from a BIPOC, heterosexual, holistic health perspective, and myself from a Queer Chronically Ill, mental health perspective. Together we are hoping to help those on personal growth journeys take their work to a deeper level.
In this self-compassion practice, we use guided imagery to fill ourselves with the same warmth and kindness we more readily give to others others. Research shows that self-compassion is beneficial for mental health – improving mood, reducing anxiety, and increasing resilience – and there is some recent research showing it can improve tolerance to chronic pain. Most of us aren’t very self-compassionate, and it’s normal to be resistant to self-compassion. It may be worth for you to explore so that you can keep making the most of it!
There are a few different types of self-care, and reading self-help books actually hits two categories of self-care. Reading is a form of intellectual self-care – it’s good for our brains. Self-help (in the form of books, podcasts, Youtube videos, blog posts, etc.) is a form of emotional self-care. So self-help books are a form of intellectual and emotional self-care. And I’m here for it. Let me know what some of your favourite self-help books are! And keep making the most of it!
Hello Readers, Warriors, Spoonies! I appreciate your support on this blog which I’ve been running (and writing) for several years. I’m going to take a small pause on new content (other than a few Sunday videos which were prescheduled) as I worked on a few other projects (new podcast) and focus on work, which is starting to pick up again. I also find these breaks really important for my mental health.
If you have ideas for content you’d like to read about on here (or see videos for) comment on this post as I’d love to hear from you. The podcast I’m starting with my friend and colleague is on personal growth, and I’ll definitely give more details in the near future. You can always follow Chronically Living on YouTube and follow me on TikTok @kelseyleighharris for coping skills. I hope to be back soon.
In this brief coping skill, we can externalize (or defuse from) our chronic pain. I’ve used this technique many times with thoughts, and recently someone suggested using it for pain. It can totally work for physical pain or emotional pain. Of course, it’s not perfect and won’t work for everyone, however, it can be worth giving it a try so that we can keep on making the most of it!
Depression is commonly comorbid (co-occurring) with chronic illness and chronic pain. It makes sense. Our lifestyles drastically (and often suddenly) change. We may lose relationships (of different sorts), our purpose in life may change, and not to mention the pain centre of the brain is right next to the mood centre. Even the most resilient of us struggle with depression and a bit of an identity crisis upon having a chronic pain/illness diagnosis (or even no diagnosis but jut the onset of symptoms). I have also struggled with depression. Some of it stemming from childhood trauma, but I really noticed it after the onset of my pain/illness. Actually I was in complete denial about it at first and went to counselling only for anxiety (though my very perceptive counsellor was certainly treating me for depression as well).
So, personally, I’m not a fan of a lot of medication. I take what I need to, and try to find alternative solutions for other things. I would never say that I’ve been more than mildly depressed. I use exercise for pain and it also happens to help with depressive symptoms. When I notice my mood is low I practice behavioural activation. Example – a few weeks ago I noticed I had low mood which was definitely correlated with an increase in pain and decreased energy. I had plans with friends and my partner for a board game night, and while a part of me really wanted to cancel on them, I made myself go because I knew it would improve my mood. Guess what? I really enjoyed the night, had a great time, and slept in the next day so it was all good (actually it was great!).
Exercise and behavioural activation are great and there is tons of research to show their effectiveness for pain and depression. There is a growing amount of research showing that turmeric (or more accurately the active ingredient in turmeric – curcumin) is as effective as anti-depressants in treating depression, including with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). It also happens to decrease inflammation in the body, leading to less physical pain. According to the research I’ve linked below, it doesn’t seem to make a huge difference in the amount of curcumin/turmeric used and there were only mild side effects in some patients who were taking doses of 12g/day. Definitely some interesting and potentially helpful research for anyone who, like me, prefers to stay natural as often as possible. Now, I’m by no means dissing anti-depressants. Many people benefit from them and need them. If that’s you, please stick with it. This is more of an option for anyone who doesn’t want to use them, and is looking for alternatives.
Turmeric can come in different forms. Powder that you use on food (popular in many Asian cultures), and supplements you can buy from a health store are the most common and popular. I also have a lovely turmeric tea that I buy and try to drink more often when my pain increases or my mood is low. Definitely a few great options if you’re interested in giving it a try. As with everything, I take a scientific approach and view any of these ideas as an experiment. Clearly the research shows that it works for a lot of people. Will it work for me or you? The only way to find out is to be curious and give it a try. Maybe it’s another way we can keep making the most of it!
In this mindfulness practice, we reflect on goals and how to goal set mindfully so that they are realistic and achievable for us, regardless of our physical and mental health status. When we practice values-based behaviours, we tend to feel better. Doing all of this mindfully can improve our overall well-being.
I hope you can make the most of it with your mindful goals!
I love quick, low prep meals. They are great on days that I feel good but might be busy in other areas of my life (like with work), and they are great on days that I might not feel as great, because they don’t require too many spoons. I know meal time is challenging for many chronic pain/illness warriors. Too much prep equals too many spoons and many of us struggle with pacing (I know I’ve often had that problem in general, not just meal time related). And of course, those of you with families likely struggle more. Eating healthy can have a huge positive impact on pain (meaning we’ll have less of it) and I’ve done posts on my own dietary changes before. So rather than talk about that more, here are my suggestions for quick and healthy meal ideas that I enjoy.
Sheet Pan anything – chop up some veggies and throw them on a sheet pan in the oven. Or maybe some shrimp, or tofu, or whatever else you’d like really. I typically do veggie ones – tonight I’ve got eggplant, yams, and veggie sausage in the oven. They are flexible so you can use whatever veggies, meats or meat substitutes you want.
Stir fry anything – like the sheet pan, this one is also super customizable. Throw some veggies – baby corn, broccoli, snap peas, mushrooms and tofu are my go-tos but you can use anything – onto a wok (or fry pan) with a little bit of oil and some sauce (of your choosing, I like black bean and garlic, hoisin or teriyaki) and it’s ready in no time. Very little prep and very tasty results.
And there you have it. Quick, easy, only as much prep as you want, meal ideas that can make living with chronic pain just a little bit easier. Just another idea to help us all make the most of it!
For this post I really wanted to draw upon my personal experience. From October 2016 to August 2022 I was single. Yep, six years. A lot of dating, some friends with benefits (though there was a 2+ year period starting before the pandemic and lasting until last year that I did not have sex outside of masturbation). Wow, this topic got personal fast, I hope you’re all in for the ride. In August of 2022 I met my current partner and we have an amazing relationship that continues to grow. Something I struggled with while dating many people over the past several years was when and how to tell them about my pain and diagnoses and what that would mean for the relationship.
I’ve had conflicting opinions about this. I have done everything from reveal it on a first date so that if it was an issue at least we didn’t have to go on subsequent dates, to not revealing it at all over 4 or so dates and then never having the relationship develop anyway. Plus whatever is in between. I’ve also read other peoples’ opinions and even found a study on the subject of chronic pain/illness and dating and disclosure. From what I’ve figured out is that the timing and your particular reasons for it may not matter. We know ourselves and what we’re looking for, best. In this relationship I mentioned it maybe 4 or 5 dates in. We were starting to create a bit of emotional intimacy so I let myself have the first of many moment of vulnerability, and honestly I think it helped deepen the relationship, allowing both of us to take opportunities to continue to be vulnerable with each other. This kind of vulnerability is a requirement for emotional intimacy.
How did I do it? You might be wondering. The first time I mentioned it, I did so fairly casually. I can’t remember the exact conversation we were having, but I mentioned that I had chronic pain. In a conversation on a subsequent date I revealed a bit more about the pain and my illness diagnoses. Again, more in conversation, not in some kind of grandiose we need to have a big discussion kind of way. However, what I did that I think was particularly important and helpful was open it up to being more of a conversation by asking her if she had any questions and letting her know if she does she can always ask. She has asked questions along the way and I’ve always been open with answering them. And I’ve been open with communicating how I’m doing (physically and emotionally) as well. My hip hurts during a walk, I mentioned we need to walk slower because it hurts (we are typically both very fast walkers so it’s also kind of obvious when I’m in pain).
Be open and honest – this may mean having a big sit-down conversation or it may be a more casual approach like I took, either way, it takes some courage and vulnerability.
Invite your partner into the conversation – make sure they know they can ask questions and you’ll try to answer them to the best of your ability.
Ask them what their concerns are and thank them for their vulnerability as you navigate it together. Sometimes you’ll be able to put their mind at ease, sometimes they’ll be able to put your at ease, and sometimes you might agree to figure it out as you go.
It takes a lot of trust, emotional intimacy, and vulnerability to have this type of conversation. If you want to deepen the relationship, and create more intimacy, I believe this is a necessary step for anyone with a chronic illness or chronic pain. Though we may have beliefs that there is no one out there for us (I had a previous partner put that belief into my head for quite awhile), if we are open to some of the uncomfortableness that may come with dating, we can also find a partner who is the right fit for us.
I hope this helps you to keep making the most of it in your dating and relationships.