Video: Ways to Understand Anger

This is a metaphor I often use when explaining anger. It has a specific purpose and function for us, but there is almost always something beneath anger. I hope this piece of psychoeducation helps you to understand yourself better. Remember, the content on this blog does not replace seeking help from a licensed mental or other healthcare professional in your area.

For a meditation on working with anger, click this link.

Keep making the most of it!

Video: Daily Mindfulness – Acceptance of Anger

When we learn to make room for our difficult emotions, we give ourselves the opportunity to react in different ways. Often with anger we yell, swear, throw things (including punches), etc. and typically don’t act in ways that align with our values. When we make space for anger we can clearly communicate that we are upset without doing any of those things.

Follow my YouTube channel for more meditations (updated weekly).

As always, keep making the most of it!

Video: How to Survive in Quicksand

This may seem like an odd topic for a blog about chronic illness and pain, but trust me it’s relevant. The same way you survive quicksand is the same way you can learn to thrive with chronic pain. And no, it’s not an easy process, nor is it something you can learn to do in a few days or weeks, but take it from one warrior that it is possible.

The metaphor and skills are based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Keep making the most of it!

Why You Shouldn’t Avoid Your Pain

Today I’m giving you a choice.

  • Option A: you never have to feel pain again. No physical pain. No sadness. No anxiety. No guilt, fear, or anger. But… you can also never feel physical relaxation. No joy. No happiness. No love, pride, or serenity.
  • Option B: you still have to feel pain, both physical and emotion. But you also get to feel relaxation, joy, happiness, love, pride, serenity, etc.

What do you choose?

I know Option A is super tempting, but I’ve found that most people choose option B, because no one wants to permanently get rid of the things that make us feel “good.”

We don’t like to feel “blue” so we resist it.

When it comes to pain – and throughout this post when I refer to pain, I mean both physical and emotional – we tend to try to block it or avoid it at all costs. Literally, people will drink alcohol, take illicit drugs, take prescription drugs and over-the-counter drugs, mindlessly scroll on their phones for hours, and so on, just to avoid or get rid of the uncomfortable things we really don’t like to feel. Here’s the problem: when we do this it tends to make all the pain much, much worse. (And yes, there has been a TON of research done on this).

PAIN X RESISTANCE = SUFFERING

This formula has been said by meditation teachers, such as Shinzen Young, psychologists, such as Tara Brach (who is also a meditation teacher), and researchers, such as Kristin Neff. And I’ve found both personally and through my work as a therapist, that it’s true. I’m literally in more pain when I resist it, avoid it, distract from it, push it away. And when I just let it be, I’m okay. This morning I woke up with so much anxiety. Anxiety about finances, anxiety about work, anxiety about my life and things I could have done. At first I did try to resist it. I instinctively grabbed my phone and scrolled. I decided I wasn’t going to have a workout and that I’d eat an extra waffle for breakfast while I watched YouTube videos about horror movies. But none of that made my anxiety go away…

We naturally want to hide from pain.

Here’s the thing about emotional pain specifically, it can actually lead to several additional problems (or increase the intensity of them if you already have them):

  • More anxiety
  • Lower mood
  • Increase risk of heart disease
  • Gastrointestinal issues
  • Headaches
  • Insomnia
  • Autoimmune Disease Flares

We experience all types of pain for a reason. If we didn’t need our emotions (both the ones we like and dislike) and if we didn’t need physical pain, then we would have evolved without them. Our ancient ancestors needed them to stay alive. To protect us from life and death danger. To keep us safe. Instinctually, our brain and bodies still try to keep us alive the same way, it’s just that we encounter a lot less life and death situations now. And yes, all this applies to chronic pain too. Our bodies are telling us something is wrong, it’s just often not what we think. We think it’s telling us to stay in bed and not move and give in or up on all that’s important to us. In reality, it’s often telling us that we might need to stretch and move our bodies. To do something meaningful with our day – not as distraction but as a way to bring meaning and value to our lives.

Doing something meaningful is much more effective than trying to get rid of something that is a natural part of being human.

…This morning when I decided that I was done resisting my emotional pain, I sat down to meditate. I did my full 20 minutes (meaningful activity) and then I went for an hour walk (moving my body, and a meaningful activity). Then I did my workout that I had put off from the morning. I didn’t do all of this with the intention of distracting myself from my pain (emotional or physical) but to make room for it. I used some practices that I help my clients use to: like observing my pain, breathing into it, expanding around it, and just allowing it to be there WHILE I did things that were important to me. Guess what happened? Not only did it no longer control me, but it actually lessened a lot – to the point where it’s barely noticeable. I also noticed that my drive and creativity and all these things that I’ve been lacking lately came back full force. My suggestion to all of you is to make room for your pain, just to help you make the most of it.

Try this mindfulness exercise out to learn how to make room for pain.

Video: How to Drop the Struggle Against Your Pain

Pain – both physical and emotional – are parts of life. They are also inevitable with chronic illness and chronic pain syndromes. The more we try to fight or resist our pain, the more it comes at us. So, let’s talk about why that is and what to do about it. Because, really, we can’t keep making the most of it if we struggle. Check out this podcast episode for more about this.

Keep making the most of it!

What Does Aesop’s Fable of the Wind and the Sun Say About Chronic Pain & Illness?

Aesop’s Fable: The Wind and the Sun
The Wind and the Sun were disputing which was stronger. Suddenly they saw a traveller coming down the road, and the Sun said, “I see a way to decide our dispute. Whichever of us can cause that traveller to take off his cloak shall be regarded as the stronger. You begin.” So the Sun retired behind a cloud, and the Wind began to blow as as hard as it could upon the traveller. But the harder he blew the more closely did the traveller wrap his cloak around him, till at last the Wind had to give up in despair. Then the Sun came out and shone in all his glory upon the traveller, who soon found it too hot to walk with his cloak on.

“Kindness effects more than severity.” This is the moral of the fable. How does this apply to chronic illness, chronic pain, health and mental health more generally? So many of us have harsh, relentless inner critics. The voice in our heads that tells us we didn’t do a good enough job, or we aren’t good enough or smart enough, etc. In terms of pain and illness it may tell us we are being punished or we can’t have a good life, that our life is over and ruined. Our mind thinks it’s helping us and protecting us when it does this, but like the Wind in Aesop’s fable, all this does is demotivate us. It makes us struggle more and more against the difficulties in our lives. Vast amounts of research show that struggling makes it worse – yes, even symptoms of pain and illness are worse with struggle (struggle can include avoidance and distraction).

Notice what it’s like to respond to yourself with kindness, like the Sun.

The alternative is kindness. You may recall my fairly recent post called “Why Aren’t We Kinder To Ourselves?” where I explain why this all happens. When we are kind to ourselves we are actually more motivated to make our life better. We struggle less and are more accepting and open to our experiences. This isn’t necessarily an easy change to make. After so long of the Wind of our minds doing its thing, we need to learn to respond like the Sun. Maybe it’s offering kind words. Maybe it’s doing a self-compassion journal at the end of every day. Maybe it’s doing compassionate meditations, like the one below. There are many ways to cultivate the kindness of the Sun toward ourselves and it will also make our symptoms – both physical and mental health – a lot better. And by the way, I use this all on myself as well.

The same goes if we are motivating others. Have you ever tried to tell your partner or children to do something in a harsh and demanding way, like the Wind? What was the result? Probably not great, and even if you got what you wanted, you may have inadvertently hurt the relationship. What if you responded with kindness, like the Sun? It’s like the result was what you wanted and you may have even improved the relationship. Just some things to consider.

So this week, see if you can be more like the Sun to yourself when you’re struggling with the difficult sensations, emotions, and thoughts that come up. This is all in service of making the most it.

Video: Daily Mindfulness – Willingness with Breath

We can begin to learn to become more willing with different sensations and emotions by practicing with our breath. As we learn to make room for urges, emotions and sensations, we offer ourselves more choices in life to live by our values. Please read the disclaimer at the beginning of the video. Only participate if it is safe for you to do so. If you are unsure, please speak with your physician.

Keep making the most of it!

Video: Daily Mindfulness – Making Room for Anxiety

Making room for our emotions (like our sensations) can be difficult to do, mostly because we spend most of our time doing the opposite – pushing them away. If you watched my video from January 9 on The Struggle Switch, I explain how doing the opposite – allowing/accepting/making room for difficult thoughts, feelings and sensations – actually makes them less powerful and have less control over us. This meditation is one way we can learn to do it.

Let me know how it goes and keep making the most of it!

Support my content on Patreon.

What is the Chronic Pain Cycle and How Do I Break It?

The chronic pain cycle is essentially what happens to us when we are in pain and let it consume us. First off, this is normal! I totally remembering being there myself. Usually we try to address only part of the cycle, without managing the whole thing (i.e., we like those prescribed medications from our doctors but still get frustrated when they don’t fix everything). I thought today we could talk about a few different versions of the cycle, and address a few ways to address them so that pain is less consuming and we can get back to a life that is closer to what we want.

First off, some of the examples of the pain cycle are pretty basic. Pain leads to sleep problems leads to mood problems leads to decreased activity leads to low energy leads to decreased pain. Or pain leads to muscle tension leads to reduced circulation leads to muscle inflammation to reduced movement leads to pain. And any case, you can start pretty much anywhere in the cycle, but you always end up with more pain. A more comprehensive version of this cycle is shown in the diagram below.

Here’s the problem: our brains tell us that we shouldn’t move, we shouldn’t be active, that things will never be good for us, that we will never have normal lives, etc., etc. because they are trying to keep us safe. Unfortunately, all the research shows that our brains are incorrect and that these thoughts really don’t do us any service. They keep us trapped in the cycle. I remember when I first decided to start making changes for myself. I took myself to physiotherapy (physical therapy for you Americans), the chiropractor, the naturopath, massage therapy, and psychotherapy, because I wanted some relief. What I was encouraged to do was break the pain cycle. How?

  1. Psychoeducation/Health education about chronic pain. I know most of you won’t read scholarly journal articles (as I do) about all of this and that’s fine, but there is a wealth of information on the internet (think clinic websites: Mayo Clinic, John Hopkins, etc.). Also, if you talk to health care provides (your specialist, or any of the above that I’ve mentioned) they will be happy to provide you with the knowledge you need to start making different choices. You just have to be open and willing to listen.
  2. Increase fitness and exercise. This might be as simple as stretches and easy exercises given to you by the physiotherapist, chiropractor or massage therapist. It might also include actual cardio and/or strength training. This should of course be paced, and you should come up with a plan with your healthcare specialists. I went to the gym and got a personal trainer who had worked with people with autoimmune diseases before.
  3. Take your medication. Inflammation in particular is often best addressed with some sort of medication. Of course, there are alternative ways to address it as well, such as through diet or supplements. I like the approach of doing both. I take my medication as prescribed and then balance that with diet.
  4. Address side effects of medication, such as weight gain or others. This might be with your doctor – adjusting doses or which medication you take – or it could be done holistically through other therapies (as mentioned above), exercise, and diet.
  5. Address the cognitive issues that arise. This means anxiety, depression, sleep issues, stress, fear, frustration, anger, negative thinking, rumination, etc. While these are normal experiences, they can make it harder for us to make changes. These can be addressed through sleep hygiene, meditation, and psychotherapy.
Going on adventures even with pain.

Where am I in the pain cycle? Look, to be honest, some days it’s not perfect and I fall right into the cycle. However, most days I can openly and curiously acknowledge and accept my pain, breaking the cycle before it begins. I use all of these tools and healthcare providers because it helps. I know from experience that chronic pain does not have to be life consuming.

I’ve linked episodes of the podcast and my meditation channel throughout this post if you want more information. Until next week, keep making the most of it!

Video: The Struggle Switch & Chronic Pain

Watch this video first:

Video by Dr. Russ Harris. Find his YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-sMFszAaa7C9poytIAmBvA

Now watch this one to see how the struggle switch relates to chronic pain:

For me it always comes back to this question: Is it easier to struggle or to accept? And I guess also this question: Is the struggle helping you out long term or just short term?

Just some food for thought. Keep making the most of it everyone!