How I Accommodate My Illness & Pain

There is a Taoist parable that tells of an old man who fell into a river that swept him toward a dangerous waterfall. There were people watching who feared for the old man’s life. By some miracle, the old man came out of the water at the bottom of the falls completely unharmed. The onlookers asked him how he managed to survive, and he replied, “I accommodated myself to the water, not the water to me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived.”

I think I can accommodate myself to the river of life.

If the old man had struggled against the water, he may not have survived the fall. At least that’s how he sees it and is what the parable is suggesting. This is non-contention. I came across the parable when I was… well if you read this blog regularly then you can probably guess it… meditating. I was doing a guided meditation and at the end, the meditation teacher told this parable. It really spoke to me because I have heard this idea spoken in many different ways already, and it’s something I have been practicing for sometime. I notice that in my day-to-day life, when I am swept up by my pain or symptoms of my illness or thoughts about my pain or emotions such as anxiety that arise, when I struggle with these things, it just makes the day worse. It makes the pain (physical and emotional worse) and I feel less resilient. When I do the opposite – accommodate – then my days are pretty good. Thankfully I’ve gotten good at accommodating.

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While I’m sure some of you are also good at accommodating, there are probably many of you who are not. It takes a lot of work and practice to be able to do this. It’s way more natural for our minds to struggle because our minds think that it’s the best way to survive – I mean, thousands of years of evolution have told them this. Yet in modern times, the struggle often ends up being less helpful (but try telling that to the primitive part of your brain). I find that meditating is helpful for accommodation but I totally get that it’s not for everyone. I also find similar mindful practices like body scans, observing-breathing into-making room for-and allowing my feelings to also be helpful. And engaging in those values-based behaviours that I love. That doesn’t mean I push through my inner experiences. There is a delicate balance between pacing and going to my edge. And on days that I go to far and do too much, I offer myself some compassion because it is hard to be human, and it is hard to be a human with a chronic condition.

So, here’s what I suggest:

  • try out some mindfulness practices, like the ones found on my YouTube channel
  • incorporate more self-compassion into your life: kind words, soothing touching, remembering that it is human to have pain
  • engage in values-based activities that allow you to pace and don’t take you past your edge
  • seek mental health (and physical health) help from a licensed professional as often as needed.

As always, keep making the most of it!

How to Manage Your Chronic Illness Through the Holidays

Let’s face it, we all stress through the holidays. It’s rarely an “easy” time of year for anyone. Over the years I have spent many holidays working in retail; I have had to share time between families (back when I was married); I’ve had to spend some Christmases all alone. And then there’s all the things we normally have to do like cook, and clean, and buy gifts (sometimes with limited money) and almost always with limited spoons (for those of you who use Spoon Theory). How can we be expected to manage all of this? And many of you may not handle it well. So, here’s what I’ve learned.

Do you like my Star Wars Ugly Christmas Sweater?

The most important thing to do is PACING. For those of you unfamiliar with my blog post on Pacing earlier this month, it basically comes down to doing the same amount of activity every day (so no over-exerting) regardless of how you feel. What usually happens, especially at this time of year, is we have a good day so we go ham and do as much as possible on that day (cooking, cleaning, etc) and then we end up not being able to do anything for day(s) after. If we do just 1 activity on that “good” day and then also do just 1 activity the next day, regardless if we feel better, the same, or a little worse, we will more easily avoid a string of “bad” days.

My only physical activity on this particular day in 2018 was ice skating.

The other most important thing is setting boundaries. Who says YOU have to host dinner? If you do host dinner, then maybe you don’t need to be the one to cook (can everyone bring a dish?) or clean by yourself (if you have a partner, can they help with the cleaning and prep). When shopping for presents, have you done it online? If you do have to go to the store, just use that as your 1 activity for the day (and wrapping the presents being an activity for another day). Tell your support system what you can do, and what you need help with. Stand up for yourself and don’t let them bully you.

It’s okay to say no, even if you have to say it to Santa himself.

If you don’t have a strong support system, which I know sometimes happens, then again, revert back to pacing, and say NO if you can’t do something (again, this could be hosting dinner, cleaning, etc), and see what other help you can get. Maybe there’s a neighbour or friend you can pay to help you cook or clean (that way it’s less expensive then hiring a professional). We need to use some flexible thinking and get outside the box.

I also recommend cuddling with your pet (if you have one) as they can help to reduce stress (RIP my little Spike).

The holidays are stressful, so we need to do what we can to manage our stress levels and take care of ourselves, while still living by our values (and hey, self-care may be one of your values). Have a Happy Holidays and keep making the most of it!

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Video: Pacing & Action Planning for Exercise

If you’re thinking about exercising to help with your chronic pain or overall health, it is important to consider two things: (1) pacing – so that you don’t over exert yourself one day and pay for it the next; and (2) action planning or goal setting so that exercise is realistic for you. Also, remember to always talk to your healthcare team before starting any new exercise routine! If you’re having thoughts about your ability to exercise that are causing you distress, check out this podcast episode.

Keep making the most of it!

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How I Use Pacing to Make the Most of My Day

When I moved across the province at the end of October, I did NOT do a good job pacing myself. Granted I had help for the physical moving but not the packing or unpacking or the putting together of furniture – that was all on me. I started out with the best intentions. I actually started packing by pacing. It was more the last minute stuff, the physically carrying items in the truck, and then everything after that was a disaster. And of course, that caused a flare (luckily it only lasted a week or so). However, that’s not what I normally do. Normally I pace myself, which is part of the reason why I can consistently be as active as I am.

Definitely explored my new neighbourhood as soon as I could.

What is pacing? Pacing is doing the same amount of activity everyday – whether it’s a “good” day or “bad” day. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re not listening to your body. There are of course days that Chronic Illness Warriors are going to need more rest. What it does mean is not over-exerting yourself on the good days and therefore creating more bad days. For example, I go for a walk everyday. It’s about an hour long. Even on days where I feel a bit more tired, I get my walk in. I also try to do some yin yoga everyday. It’s definitely movement that is easy to get in on days I don’t feel as good, because it is slower movements and stretching. But let’s say that I didn’t go for a walk today. Maybe I cleaned the house and did laundry instead. It’s about the same amount of activity – and maybe it’s more necessary or I have the thought that it’s more reasonable, depending on how I feel. Get what I mean?

Back in the summer, my pacing allowed me to be able to have a great visit with my friend.

There is A LOT of evidence that pacing works. Not just for me, but from other chronic pain and illness warriors. I’ve interviewed a ton of people on my podcast and have noticed that many of them use pacing. I attended the World Pain Summit earlier in the fall and 2 of the presenters, who were both people with lived experience (not healthcare professionals) talked about pacing and how it’s helped them. Heck even look at these search results on Google Scholar and you can see all the academic journal articles written on the subject. Pacing works – even with fatigue.

We did this by alternating activity with rest.

But how do you figure out what your pace is? Here are some key suggestions when it comes to pacing:

  • Plan your day. We all have an idea of how we’re feeling when we get up in the morning, so having a plan of what sounds manageable for the day is a good place to start.
  • Break up your activities and alternate at rest. For example, if you decide to clean the house, just do 1 room at a time and take a short break (30 minutes) in between.
  • Prioritizing your activities. I align this with Values-Based Living. What is most important for me to do today? Why is it important? For me, my health is important (yes, even having a chronic illness) so doing some kind of movement that will keep me active and ultimately decrease pain (I’ve done many posts on movement for pain management) is essential.
Values-based living is engaging in activities that align with your values.

Even if you’re having thoughts that pacing seems impossible, just note that those are just thoughts. There are many people who can help you get started with pacing (occupational therapists, psychotherapists/counsellors, physical therapists, etc.) and the whole point is to improve your well-being so you can keep making the most of it!

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