Santosha

I was doing a meditation recently (through my favourite meditation app) and the meditation teacher brought up of the concept of Santosha, which is a Sanskrit word that essentially translates to contentment. After doing the meditation I decided to look a little more into the word and it’s meaning because I think contentment is a really hard concept for many people to practice (myself included) and especially for those with chronic illness.

Image from: https://www.quora.com/What-is-santosha

What is contentment exactly? The dictionary defines it as a “state of happiness and satisfaction.” It can be viewed as being positive even when things are difficult. Now I know I can hear some groans. Yes, positivity isn’t a cure for anything, disease or otherwise. And no, I’m not saying one needs to be positive 24/7. In fact there is some psychological research that states that too much positivity is counterproductive. However, what I mean here is not just giving up on life because of its difficulties (and let’s face it, every human faces difficulties… those of us with chronic illness might just face a few more). Instead we look to find how our difficulties and challenges can lead us to personal growth. My own personal growth journey has included riding the waves of the good and the bad and learning to to (mostly) be content with my life as I have made changes. Yes, I get sad, depressed, anxious, anger, angry, frustrated, and the whole variety of human emotions. I also try to find the good in my experiences, come up with plans, and change and grow as necessary.

Can you spot me up there?

How do we practice the concept of santosha? I think it begins with mindfulness, through practices like meditations, body scans, yoga, breathwork, and so on, that keep us in tune with the present. Because anxiety is worrying about the future and depression is ruminating about the past. We can’t change the past and the future hasn’t come to fruition just yet.

• practice positivity as much as you can and remember that making assumptions about yourself, others, the world, your illness, etc. can hinder your own personal growth.
• be purposeful in your actions and put your best effort into everything you do, even if you’re not well enough to do much.
• control what you can, and let go of what you can’t, or as with mindfulness – just keep breathing.
• remember that contentment supports compassion, including self-compassion, which you definitely need if you’re a chronic illness warrior.
• be grateful for the good things in your life because even at it’s worst, there’s usually at least one thing you can be grateful for.
• serenity goes with contentment and giving up the excess, the things you don’t need, may help with that.

Content.

I am 100% not saying that this is easy to practice. Nor am I suggesting that it can be (or should be) done all of the time. I do think that there is some benefit in it though. Being content with ourselves, circumstances, whatever, doesn’t mean we can’t change and grow, but rather may facilitate it instead. As always friends, keep making the most of it.

Transitions

One thing that can always be certain in life (besides death that is), is that we will encounter many transitions. These can be developmental, social, societal, living circumstances, jobs, losses, wins, health, and on and on. There is absolutely no way to avoid going through the transitions. Of course, some are positive and make us feel good. Others are neutral, it just is what it is (that’s how I look back on puberty but probably not how I felt at the time!). And yet others are, of course, negative and make us feel crappy. So how do we deal with all these transitions? Especially the bad ones? There’s no perfect answer, and everyone is unique and individual, but here’s my take on it.

Clearly my brother and I had to transition from these cute little tykes to adults.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I am very drawn to existentialism. In fact, when I become a psychotherapist (almost done my masters!) I plan on practicing from an existential-humanistic-maybe-some-positive-psychology-thrown-in perspective. Why do I like existentialism?
1. we, as humans, have choice and free will
2. it’s normal to have some anxiety
3. we need to make our own life meanings
4. the only guarantee is nonbeing (death) – okay this one’s a bit grim but it’s also true

Image from: https://medium.com/@aakashkhatter1296/existentialism-630e80610671

What does this have to do with transitions? Well, let me take you through some of the transitions I’ve been through in the last month (there have actually been too many for my tastes but sometimes that happens), and how I dealt with them.
1. My 11 year old dog, Spike, my little baby, had to be put down. I cried, a lot, for three days. The I decided to give some meaning to this and wrote a children’s book. My friend is currently illustrating it and we plan to self-publish. And the book, it goes with the theme of health issues and will be helpful for children with chronic health problems.
2. My old roommate (whom I adore) moved out and my new roommate moved in. This started off great, with us hanging out and going out for dinner. Then this less than happy situation occurred and to be honest, she may not be my roommate much longer… which would then be another transition. However, my choice was to do some investigating into the issue, talk to the appropriate people, and manage my anxiety through meditation.
3. Yesterday I left my job at the retail company I worked at for 7 years (I had taken a year off before that, and worked for the company for 6 years before that). made the choice to leave, and now I am making the choice to focus on school and my side projects (writing, podcasting, maybe making some cool merch).
4. I have an interview for a practicum placement this coming Saturday. This is like a pre-transition stage because if I get the placement (which I really hope I do) then I will be starting a new chapter of my studies and career come January, with just a few months to prepare for it. Again, my anxiety will be managed through preparation and meditation.

Last day selfie!

I tend to be someone who is proactive. If I see a problem I try to fix it or resolve it, and then just manage my anxiety around it. Since death is the only given in life, then I choose to try to make my life as awesome as possible (thus the title of my podcast, Chronically Living and how to make the most of it). The title of this blog is Jane Versus Pain, and pain can come in many forms. Physical (like my undifferentiated connective tissue disease, fibromyalgia, and labral hip tear), or emotional (grief, anxiety, sadness, etc.). Managing life’s anxieties and working through those transitions that we will inevitably face is something we best learn to do.

Have a good week, and stay safe.

Keeping Track of Your Mental Health

As my many of my fellow chronic illness warriors know, mental health struggles such as depression and anxiety are real…ly common . Not that they are necessarily constant, though the can be. I actually do a whole episode of my podcast on mental health and it’s relation to chronic illness, so feel free to check that out for more info. For today however, I want to take a look at one element of our mental health, which is commonly experienced by everyone (seriously everyone) whether or not they have another underlying physical or mental illness. Negative automatic thoughts (or NATs).

Image from: https://www.cbtcognitivebehavioraltherapy.com/what-is-automatic-negative-thoughts-ants/

NATs are those subconscious thoughts that you don’t realize you’re having until you do (and even then you may not realize that’s what they are). It’s the thoughts of “I suck,” “how could I be so stupid,” “what an idiot I am,” “why am I dumb enough to say that,” etc, etc, etc. Are they accurate thoughts? Usually not. But we all have them from time to time (or more often, but we’ll get to that in a minute). These thoughts, according to cognitive behavioural therapy, can lead to anxiety and depression. Why? Because our thoughts cause our feelings. If we keep telling ourselves that we are “stupid” or “not good enough” or whatever terrible thing we say to ourselves, we will (a) start to believe it, and (b) feel upset about it. Makes sense right?

Image from: https://iveronicawalsh.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/the-vicious-circle-of-negative-auto-pilot-thinking/

If you’ve gone to a CBT therapist, you may have experience with thought records. Basically, this is a sheet (or note on your phone) where you record your thought and your feeling every time you have one of these negative automatic thoughts. The point is twofold. First, it’s to see how often you are having these thoughts and what emotions are connected to them. Second, it allows you the opportunity to begin changing these thoughts. If you can catch yourself saying “I’m stupid” then you can change it to, “you know that may have not been the smartest choice to make but I’ve learned from it so I won’t do it again.” Or more simply, “I’m not stupid, I’m smart, I just did a silly thing.” To be honest, this is a much harder skill to learn than it seems, but it can be done.

Image from: http://www.allaboutdepression.com/workshops/CBT_Workshop/CBT_12.html

Changing these thoughts into positive ones instead of negative is an ultimate act of self-love. To be honest, since I started to practice this a few years ago, I have less NATs than I did before. Yes, they still pop up, but I can catch myself and reframe the thought because I know that the thought isn’t true. I encourage everyone to try to keep track of your thoughts for awhile so you can catch these nasty little NATs and try to take some ownership of your mental health through self-love.

How’s Your Pain Today?

I always have a million topic ideas in my head (well technically I write them down on Stickies because I don’t want to forget them) but I often end up going with something currently relevant to me because, well, it just makes more sense to. As I’ve mentioned before, in addition to fibromyalgia (and maybe lupus) I also have a tear of the anterior labrum (hip) – I’ll throw in a picture of what that looks like). This tear is brutal. Initially my rheumatologist told me that it could be taken care of with physio and if that doesn’t work, then surgery. She asked me if I’d like a referral to the surgeon, to which I said yes. This was March 2020. About a week before Covid-19 really went for it and we started shutting everything down, including “elective” surgeries (because is a surgery that will take away pain really elective?).

Image from: https://eorthopod.com/labral-tears-of-the-hip/

Anyway, the pain has normally been around a 7 in my hip. I’ve been doing physio (virtual) since the end of March and while my physiotherapist is amazing (check out my podcast), it also doesn’t really seem to be helping with this particular problem. Fast forward to last week Thursday when I leaned against a counter at work while I was talking to my boss… and I happened to learn right against the tear. Talk about excruciating pain running down my entire leg – hip to ankle! But I sucked it up and stayed at work and powered through. The pain now around an 8.

Even with pain at an 8 I can still enjoy the great outdoors (Niagara on the Lake, Ontario)

Fast forward to Monday, when I’m doing my normal hardcore workout. It’s an upper body one, so I’m not too concerned because my hip is normally fine on these workouts (sometimes I have to adjust lower body and full body workouts to accommodate my hip). Well, as I moved to get out a position, I heard and felt a “pop.” This seemed like my hip popped in and out of place (though upon some research I read that’s not really a thing that happens, so I’m not sure what exactly happened). Now the pain is a 9. I went to work Monday and Tuesday, and then got a doctor’s note for a week off from today (Wednesday) through next Wednesday.

Spike is a good nurse.

So how can I still smile and laugh through all of this? First of all, that’s not always easy. I have to frequently change my position (standing, sitting, walking, lying) in order to feel comfortable because I can’t really be in any of them for too long. At the end of the day though, I can sit and feel sorry for myself (or be hard on myself because technically it’s my own fault it got worse) or I can (a) be productive and constantly call the hospital to see if they can do this type of surgery now, and (b) realize that pain, even chronic pain, is a temporary sensation. I can do meditations that focus on physical pain (which I did this morning), I can write a blog post, I can rest, and I can still have a life with this, because the other option is to not and I refuse to do that.

Upo reserch, this is the type of surgery that needs to be done. Image from: https://orthoinfo.aaos.org/en/diseases–conditions/slap-tears/

How are you all feeling about your pain today?

Also, if you haven’t yet checked out my podcast – Chronically Living and how to make the most of it (Apple Podcasts and Spotify), the latest episode is on Pelvic Health. I would really appreciate some reviews and ratings for it (plus I have a little promotion going for that – see my Instagram @janeversuspain for more details).

Positive Psychology and Physical Illness

Before everyone starts hating on positive psychology, I’m going to give you a bit of a break down of it. As some of you know, I’m doing my Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology so I’m learning a lot about the different theories of counselling. Though I want to take an integrative approach in my practice, positive psychology is something that interests me. Here’s why:

• the focus is on strengths, positive experiences, positive emotions (i.e., what’s good in life, not just what’s bad)
• optimism and gratitude are encouraged (however, if you’re not an optimist then you shouldn’t be coerced into being one)
• unrealistic optimism isn’t healthy, and neither is too much pessimism
• emphasis on finding meaning in life and being authentic as it will lead to less stress and anxiety
• there needs to be balance between positive and negative feelings and experiences
• you can learn to shift your perspective from negativity to positivity
• focus is finding ways to foster hope in your life

Image from: https://condorperformance.com/positive-psychology/

So what does this have to do with physical illness. Well, if it isn’t obvious already, positive psychology can help us shift our view of our illness(es) from being something that is terrible and completely disruptive of our lives, to something that we can draw strength and resilience from. Regardless of whether we are sick or healthy, we all have strengths (I would say mine are perseverance, optimism, and communication). We all still experience good things (fun times with friends and family for example), and positive emotions (unless you’re truly unhappy 100% of the time, you do experience happiness, love, contentment, etc.). This doesn’t mean we can’t have bad days or be unhappy, it means that we can choose to acknowledge the good days and the good things that happen as well.

Engaging in self-care kind of goes hand-in-hand with positive psychology.

I like the idea of meaning making (if you read my post on existentialism you’ll know this about me). So my original goal was to make movies and entertain. As my health deteriorated, I sought out new meaning and found that I want to help and inspire people (thus this blog, my podcast, and my new degree). The other part of this is finding ways to foster hope. I think that for people who are very sick, finding hope is difficult. I volunteer at a crisis text line for kids and teens. One of the articles I often send texters is on fostering hope. Here are some suggestions from the article: positive thinking, focusing on the future (and changes that will happen), look at the big picture rather than the details that are easy to focus on, remember your successes (however small – did you go for a walk around the block today? that’s a success), be patient with yourself because you’re doing the best you can, and reach out for support when necessary.

Pursuing more education was an important step in finding my new life meanings.

Is positive psychology the only way to improve your mental health when you have a physical illness? Certainly not, but hopefully this was some food for thought.

Also, in case you haven’t heard, I have a podcast! It’s call Chronically Living and how to make the most of it. It’s available on Apple Podcasts! Check it out and please leave me a rating and review!

Reference:

https://kidshelpphone.ca/get-info/8-ways-foster-hope-your-daily-life